Because of You Read online

  My eyes scan the ground. I have no reply to this. Of course Kayla’s going to feel differently. This is her dad we’re discussing. But it doesn’t mean I have to like him.

  “Your dad’s still around, isn’t he?” Kayla asks lightly.

  “Yeah, of course.” I am defensive, wondering what bad stories Mum and Richie have been making up about Dad.

  “OK,” Kayla says. “Calm down. I was just asking. Does he still live round here?”

  “Yeah. The other side of town.” I glance up at her and see that she’s looking at me now. “He has a really nice flat,” I tell her. “Proper modern. Hopefully I can stay there soon.”

  She nods, half smiles. “That’s cool.”

  “We’re going to the match on Saturday,” I say. “He’s getting tickets.”

  Kayla’s back on her phone now, losing interest. “Yeah? Dad said something about you being into football.”

  Into it? She doesn’t know the half of it. I love football so much I’m almost obsessed. I’ve been watching games since I was tiny. It’s something that makes me feel truly relaxed and happy. How would Kayla understand that?

  “I can’t wait. It’s an important game,” I tell her.

  Kayla pauses. Looks at me and then back at her phone again. “Good,” she says. “That’s good … Poppy? Is it OK if I go up ahead? I have to meet someone.”

  I shrug. Sure. I guess I couldn’t expect her to want to actually walk into the building with me.

  Kayla smiles and half waves. “Cool. I’ll see you later.”

  Then she sprints off, like she can’t get away fast enough.

  When I walk into my tutor group, I know something is about to kick off. Lia is standing by Emily Westcott’s desk. I can see from Emily’s face that this is not a good thing. Emily is one of the shy girls in our year. She doesn’t have many friends and tends to get left out of stuff. Today, Emily looks awkward and stressed – her cheeks are bright pink and her eyes look watery.

  Without thinking, I stride over. Lia sees me and grins.

  “Hey, Poppy,” Charlotte says, one of Lia’s best mates. “Have you heard the latest?”

  Charlotte giggles and hands me a phone. “Have you seen this? It’s so lame.”

  I look at the screen, not sure what I’m meant to be looking at. There is a screen grab of a conversation between Emily and a boy in Year Eleven – Jamie Stokes. All Emily has said in the conversation is “Hey – you OK?”

  “See, desperate Emily has been hitting on my boyfriend,” Lia says smoothly. She turns to Emily. “That’s not good, is it?”

  Emily shakes her head. “I didn’t. I swear. I know Jamie from swimming. I was just asking about—”

  “Nah …” Lia’s voice is like ice. “I’m not listening to that. You don’t hit on other girls’ guys. This is a private message. It’s obvious what you’re doing.”

  I hand the phone back to Charlotte and say, “To be fair, this doesn’t say much.”

  Lia turns her attention to me. “What do you mean?” Lia asks. “It’s clear. She just private messaged him.”

  “So what, if they’re friends?” I say.

  I can’t see the issue here. Emily looks at me and flashes me a “thank you” smile. Something uncomfortable stirs inside me.

  “I can’t believe you’re taking her side,” Charlotte hisses at me. “I mean, I always suspected you were a snake, but now—”

  My cheeks flush. I round on Charlotte. “I’m no snake!”

  “Sounds like you are from here!” Charlotte replies.

  I turn to Lia. She is standing there with this stupid smug look all over her face. I don’t know why Lia has to start arguments like this. She is always kicking off over something and it’s normally pathetic and irrelevant.

  “Lia – you said you dumped Jamie last week?” I ask, trying to keep my voice calm.

  Lia shrugs. “It’s off and on. So?”

  “So … He’s not your property,” I say. “You can’t claim him like this.”

  Lia laughs. It’s deep and hollow. “Oh, I think I can. Jamie knows he’s with me and he thinks this is pathetic too. He wouldn’t be seen dead with someone like Emily. How do you think I saw the message? Jamie thinks it’s sick.”

  “So why are you worried, then?” I ask.

  Lia eyeballs me and draws her mouth into a sneer. “Who said I was worried?” she says. “This bitch just needed a warning. That’s all.”

  I shrug. “It all just sounds a bit desperate to me.”

  “Really?” Lia says, and laughs softly. She steps away from Emily’s desk, drawing closer to me. “It sounds like someone round here needs to check where her loyalties lie. Or maybe they need a warning too.”

  I half laugh and turn to go to my desk. “I’m done here, Lia,” I tell her.

  “Really?” she says. “I don’t think I am.”

  Chapter Four

  My best mates Daryl and Fliss are not in my tutor group, which is annoying. So I normally sit at the back with Freddie Harris and chat about football instead. I’m still raging about Lia’s performance just now, but talking about the weekend’s game is helping to take my mind off it.

  “You’re so lucky your dad’s getting you tickets,” Freddie says. “It’ll be a tight match, but it should be a good one.”

  I like Freddie. He’s one of those loud, in‑your‑face kids that everyone seems to get on with. He’s not part of any group; he just drifts between all of us with ease. Plus, he likes football and is funny, which is a winning combination for me.

  Freddie nudges me just as the bell is about to go.

  “You’ve totally rattled Lia’s cage,” Freddie says. “She keeps flashing you evils. If looks could kill, you’d be dead on the floor by now.”

  I look up and catch Lia’s glare. She is definitely pissed off at me. I hope she’ll calm down – she normally loses focus pretty fast.

  “How come you got involved?” Freddie asks. “Emily isn’t a friend of yours, is she?”

  “No,” I say. “But even so, I didn’t want her getting grief when she didn’t deserve it. She only messaged a guy. It’s hardly a reason to hang her.”

  Except it is in Lia’s crazy‑arse world.

  And now the noose is around my neck. And I can feel it getting tighter.

  Freddie shrugs. “Yeah, I’m sure it’ll all blow over.” He grins at me. “Just focus on something else. Like the football!”

  I nod. Suddenly excited. “Yeah,” I say. “I can’t wait. It seems so long since Dad and I last went.”

  “I heard tickets are really hard to get,” Freddie says, “especially this late on in the week.”

  I know this already. It’s always hard to get tickets for this game. Our team, United, are playing City, our biggest rival. It’s the first time the two teams will play since City were promoted into the same league. Last time we met, United lost by two goals, so it’s really important that we win this one to prove a point. We really are the best.

  “My dad will sort the tickets,” I say.

  Dad has loads of friends. He knows people who know people. He’s bound to get the tickets easily.

  “You’re so lucky,” Freddie moans. “I’d kill to go.”

  “My dad is the best.” I smile back.

  At least I have something good to look forward to.

  By lunch it has got around that I’ve upset Lia and Charlotte. This isn’t exactly good news. Daryl grabs me in the lunch queue and almost squeals in my ear.

  “What did you do?” Daryl asks. “The rumour is you’ve been a complete snake.”

  I frown at Daryl. I like her. She is one of my oldest mates, but she loves drama and gossip. Plus, to be honest, she should know me better than that.

  “I’m no snake,” I say coolly.

  “Well …” Daryl replies, extending the word for effect. “That’s not what’s being said.”

  We walk over to where Fliss is sitting. She’s the most chilled out of the three of us and very unlikely t
o have noticed the rumours. Daryl sits next to Fliss and nudges her.

  “Lia is after Poppy,” Daryl says.

  Fliss looks up from her sandwich. She seems bored. “Really?” she says. “Why?”

  “Poppy took someone else’s side.”

  “I didn’t,” I say, and slide into the seat opposite them. “I just stuck up for Emily. Lia and Charlotte were having a go at her for nothing.”

  Daryl sighed. “Emily has been texting Lia’s ex‑boyfriend, Jamie.”

  “She sent him one message!” I say. “It’s crazy.”

  Fliss shakes her head. “It all sounds pathetic to me.”

  I laugh. “Exactly!”

  I look around the room. As usual, Lia and her group are sitting right at the back. I can hear them laughing from here. Lia has her back to me. She is sitting on the table and leaning over to talk to someone. But Charlotte is facing me. She sees me looking and holds my stare for a moment.

  Then Charlotte smiles.

  It’s not a nice smile.

  I switch my attention. Across from us I see Kayla is sitting with a load of kids from her year. She looks a bit bored and is picking at her lunch. Next to her is Jamie, Lia’s ex. He leans over and says something to her and she laughs.

  Interesting, I wonder if they are friends, I think.

  “Poppy, are you even listening?” Daryl is talking again, flapping her crisp packet in front of my face.

  “No – what?” I say. “Sorry.”

  “I was just saying to Fliss, you need to watch out,” Daryl says. “I heard Lia wants to get back at you for making her look silly.”

  “I didn’t make her look silly! I just told her what I thought.”

  Fliss snorts and says, “That’s making her look silly. You have to agree with everything Queen Lia says, don’t you know?”

  I shrug. This is stupid. I don’t have time for it.

  “Just watch yourself, that’s all,” Daryl warns me. “Lia and Charlotte can be pretty mean if they want to.”

  “Bring it on,” I mutter.

  I’m not scared of those two losers.

  By the end of the day, I am fed up of the whispers and rumours. I think about confronting Lia once the bell rings but decide she isn’t worth it. Knowing Lia, she’ll soon find some other poor mug to hassle and will forget all about me.

  Anyway, I have more important things to focus on. As soon as I pull my phone out of my bag, I see that I have two missed calls.

  The first voicemail is from Mum. She’s talking really fast and tells me that she and Richie are “going out tonight” to celebrate him moving in. I can’t help rolling my eyes. She says that she has made me and Kayla some stew and left it in the slow cooker. Mum says this like it’s some kind of treat, but she knows stew is something else I can’t stand.

  But at least I don’t have to face an evening of smug Richie spread out on our sofa, pretending to show an interest in my life. Perhaps for one night the house will feel normal.

  The second voicemail is from Dad. It’s faster. Blunter. Asking me to call him back.

  I do so straight away as I walk home from school, not bothering to wait for Daryl and Fliss. For once, Dad picks up on the first ring.

  “Pops!” he says. “How was your day? Sorry to call – I couldn’t remember what time you finished.”

  I smile to myself. I have finished school at the same time for years. It’s really not that hard.

  “I was thinking …” Dad says softly. “I really need to pick up the rest of my stuff soon. Do you think you can find out when would be a good time?”

  My heart tightens. I’m not even sure Dad has much stuff left in the house. Mum did a pretty good job of clearing it all out in plastic bags ages ago.

  “What stuff do you mean, Dad?”

  “Well …” he says, and breathes hard. “I was thinking … it’s only fair … I paid for that TV. Half of that bloody furniture.”

  He sounds so angry. I recognise the tone. He gets like this sometimes – when he’s been down the pub too long or had a stressful day. I can hear the slur in his voice. I know he’s been drinking again.

  “Shouldn’t you be talking about this with Mum?” I ask.

  “Oh, I tried that. But she won’t listen. I’m guessing she’s much too busy now.”

  “Well …” I pause, feeling awkward. “She is working long hours.”

  “Stop protecting her, Poppy.” Dad sighs heavily again. “Just tell me, how is it fair? How? She kicks me out. Then moves her new fella in within months. What am I left with? Eh?”

  I can’t answer that. The truth is I don’t know and I really hate being asked this question.

  “Dad … I …”

  He snorts. “It’s OK. I don’t expect you to understand.”

  “But I do, Dad,” I tell him. “I do …”

  We’re silent for a moment, and it hangs between us. I grip my phone, unsure what to say next. I thought Dad had been coping better.

  “Are we still going on Saturday?” I ask nervously.

  “Saturday?” Dad repeats as if confused, and then, “Ah yes, Saturday. Of course. I’ll be there, Poppy. I can’t wait.”

  “Me neither.”

  “I love you, Poppy.” Dad’s voice is so thick. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you too, Dad.”

  The call ends. I should be excited. But I’m not.

  I’m just full of worry.

  Chapter Five

  Mum kicked Dad out last New Year’s Eve. It certainly made the year start with a bang. She didn’t say much to me after – just that she couldn’t live a life of regret and that Dad was making her unhappy.

  I really don’t think she considered how I felt. She never asked me.

  OK, I wasn’t stupid and I knew things weren’t perfect between Mum and Dad. I had to live amidst the constant arguments and rows after all. Mum was always getting frustrated at Dad for not “holding down a job for more than two minutes” or “drinking too much” or “not helping around the house”. I guess I could understand that it wasn’t easy for her. But I also knew that it had been hard for Dad too. He had loved his job on the building sites and it was hardly his fault that his back problems meant he couldn’t do it any more. I knew that Dad went to the pub as an “escape”. Having a drink relaxed him and made him feel a bit better. I know sometimes he went too far, but it wasn’t his fault. Not really.

  And it wasn’t his fault that Mum fell in love with Richie.

  It seemed to me that Mum had completely given up on their marriage and Dad had been destroyed by it. It wasn’t like that for other people I knew. When Fliss’s dad had an affair, her mum insisted that they went to marriage counselling. Fliss’s parents are still together now. So that just shows that some things can be fixed. It doesn’t have to be thrown away for ever.

  If Richie hadn’t come into Mum’s life, maybe it would’ve been all right. Maybe Mum and Dad could’ve worked things out too. If Richie hadn’t shown up at my mum’s work, maybe it would’ve been OK. He changed her. Suddenly Mum was like a giggly kid, always texting and making phone calls. It was so pathetic.

  I remember the first time I met Richie. Mum was still with Dad then. She and Richie were “just friends” and she brought him over to introduce him to me. I couldn’t even believe that Mum would enjoy spending time with someone like him. Richie was so different to Dad. Loud, stupidly over the top and with awful taste in clothes. I looked at his bright orange shirt and literally cringed, but at the time it hadn’t mattered. He was just a friend after all. Nothing more.

  But then Mum told Dad to leave. Then, weeks later, Richie started to come to the house more and more. It was so obvious, but I didn’t dare say it out loud because I was scared that I would make it true.

  My mum had found someone else. She didn’t want Dad any more.

  And she just expected me to accept that.

  The first thing I hear when I walk into the house after school is Richie singing. Loud and out of tu
ne. It really grates. I pause for a second at the front door, my key still in my hand, and debate whether I should just walk back out again.

  Then Kayla strolls out of the kitchen. She is eating an apple and laughing. She sees me and rolls her eyes.

  “Dad’s singing never improves!” Kayla says. Then, spotting my expression, a frown creases her face. “What’s up with you?”

  “Nothing.” I slouch forward. “It’s just been a stressy day.”

  In my pocket, my phone buzzes again. I know what it is without looking at it. Lia has set up a group chat completely slating me. It seems it’s more fun to have me included in the chat. I could delete myself of course, but I don’t want Lia to think I’m bothered by her pathetic tantrums, so I’m trying my best to ignore it.

  But it’s hard. Especially when people that I thought were OK are joining in, posting laughing emojis and agreeing that I’m “out of order” and annoying. For example, I never knew that Grace Evans thought I was a “stuck‑up bitch”. I guess it’s one way of finding out who your true friends are.

  Kayla half smiles and says, “School’s grim. I saw you at lunch. You seemed OK then?”

  I shrug. “I guess.” Then I can’t help adding, “You were sitting with Jamie.”

  “Yeah. He’s a good mate. I’ve known him since we were kids.”

  In the kitchen, Richie is still singing. I swear it’s louder now. I dimly recognise the song. Some sad old nineties tune that my dad loves. The thought makes my heart twist.

  Richie shouldn’t be singing that.

  “Do you know Jamie, then?” Kayla asks.

  I dump my bag in the corner and peel off my coat. In my pocket, my phone buzzes again. “Not really. Someone I know used to go out with him.”

  Her frown deepens. “Really?” she asks, and looks surprised. “I didn’t think Jamie had been seeing anyone lately.”

  “Maybe he kept it quiet,” I say.

  “No.” Kayla shakes her head. “No. I would’ve known. Jamie’s not one for keeping secrets. Anyway, I’m pretty certain he wouldn’t have been interested in your friend.”